


Four Seasons of Loving You

by queer_fantasy_ramblings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gay/Bi, Growing Up, M/M, Mutual Pining, gay angst, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:21:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21925093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queer_fantasy_ramblings/pseuds/queer_fantasy_ramblings
Summary: A Marauders Era fic, set in the boys' sixth to seventh years. Remus and Sirius slowly falling in love: dealing with their feelings and the impact of coming out. Just a bit of fluff, romance and friendship through a year.
Relationships: Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Late-Spring Haze

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my first fanfiction (that I've uploaded)! Thank you for clicking on it!  
> This is the first chapter of hopefully many, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> This chapter is just a small introduction to the world and the atmosphere that I want to create with this fic
> 
> Constructive criticism heartily welcomed here! xx

Tap. Tap. Tap. A scuffed shoe lazily dances on the floor of the Transfiguration classroom. A quill scratches quietly on parchment. A boy glances out of the metal paned window. The hazy late-spring sky glances back at him and the languid lake stretching out into the horizon winks. Everything about his posture is relaxed and unfocused and unbothered – aside his eyes, that flicker in some inherently clever frenzy.  
“Mr Black?” a stern voice comes from the front of the classroom. “Would you like to answer the question?”  
The boy turns to look at his teacher, his lips drawing back into a calm grin. “Yes, ma’am,” he replies, putting his quill slowly onto his desk, “you asked about the energy transfer that takes place during this change from animate to inanimate object?”  
“‘Professor’ will do, thank you Black,” Professor McGonagall responds sharply.  
As Sirius Black begins to explain the concept, another boy across the room smirks at him whilst underlining his perfect notes in delicate, glossy ink. This boy has close-cropped mousy hair and a few noticeable facial scars that people sometimes point out, although they’d never confront him about.  
His name is Remus Lupin. As far as he is concerned, he has the best and wildest friends possible. You wouldn’t guess that this neat, clever boy would have friends like James Potter and Sirius Black, but he does. They look odd together. People observe them as the weirdest friends: James - a Quidditch star, geeky, charming, handsome; Sirius – gorgeous, funny, rich and outrageous; Peter – a sheepish, idolising, board-game master; and Remus – book smart, introspective, cynical yet soft. But Remus knows that they fit together perfectly. He stops underlining the word ‘equates’ and thinks softly to himself. He hopes that they’ll always be friends.  
\--  
“Oi, Moony, you wanker!”  
“Good afternoon, Prongs,” Remus deadpans, as his mate catches up to him. James gives him a broad smile and walks beside him, past the dozens of buttercups decorating the ground.  
“Where you off to then?” James asks, rather loudly.  
“I was going to read near the lake. Seeing as it’s basically summer and that.”  
James snorts. “Why read when you can do sports? So much more fun!”  
“You’re the only bastard here who always wants to play Quidditch.”  
“Not true.”  
“So true.”  
James sticks his tongue out at Remus who laughs. He then snatches one of Remus’ books which earns him a small hex that managed to make his hair even more crazy then it usually is. The two boys end up in fits of giggles for no reason and Remus feels so incredibly lucky to have a friend like James.  
“So, Prongs,” Remus says after they both quieten down, “You want to come read with me?”  
“Nah, your books are stupid.”  
“Really? One of them is about the Montrose Magpies…”  
“Damn, Moons,” James sighs, “You make a convincing argument.”  
The two boys keep walking down the rather steep hill filled with buttercups, chattering and debating as they go. They come to a stop at a bold, green oak tree before sitting down and chattering still. A never-ending breeze of conversation flits between them gently and their distant laughter echoes across the hills.  
\--  
It isn’t long before Peter and Sirius come wandering down that same path that their friends had taken. They walk, with Sirius boasting on to his avid listener about Bridget from Ravenclaw who definitely likes him and Peter nodding vehemently along to his tall tale. No doubt that Peter does actually agree that Sirius could get with her, although Remus and James would very much insist that Sirius would never really go for anyone. Still, Sirius likes his friend as someone to just lift him up, consistently. Sirius smiles as they direct themselves towards the figures of James and Remus, under an oak tree. Despite loving constant adoration of Wormtail, he does secretly prefer other, more cynical company.  
“Padfoot!” James’ face lights up as he sees his best friend. He jumps up and flings his book to the side (to which Moony huffs in exasperation) before embracing his best friend. Their builds are completely disjointed with James being tall, athletic yet still curvaceous for a young man and Sirius being far shorter with relaxed broad shoulders and a stout physique. Sirius really couldn’t care less that his best mate is far more attractive than him (in his opinion) because that’s his best mate. The platonic love of his life. Of course he’s bloody attractive! Sirius does note to himself that Remus is still far cuter than James. Obviously.  
When they’ve all sat down on the grass, conversation resumes as James enthusiastically fills the newcomers in on his Latest Lily Evans Interactions. The normalcy of the exchange comforts Sirius. There’s banter and quips being inserted from all directions into James’ stories and it’s all so hilarious to him. He loves it, the open summer, the friends, the conversation, the freedom and the light. Sirius looks over his friends, his eyes landing on Remus and taking in his face, slowly. Those eyebrows quirked and those friendly eyes and those freckles painting constellations on his cheeks and those lips… soft and smiling and delicate. One could almost just reach out and touch them as if they were fluffy pink clouds. A thought almost crosses Sirius’ mind. He had almost imagined what it might be like to k-  
A hand appears out of nowhere and punches Sirius in the arm. Karma? A familiar voice laughs at his vacant expression and Sirius breaks into a grin as he thwacks James back heartily.  
“What d’ya think, Pads?” James raises his eyebrows jokingly. “Are flared trousers cool?”  
“Sure, they are,” Sirius quips back. Remus snorts loudly. “Oh really, Moony? I’d look fucking gorgeous in flared trousers. It’d fit with my sexy, punk-rock aesthetic.”  
Remus gives him an unamused look and notes loudly, “You mean your lazy leather look with earrings and uneven black eyeliner?”  
“Oh? So now you’re a fashion critic? Mr Jumpers-and-Scarves? At least I look groovy in leather.”  
Remus turns his head towards his book, in a sudden concentration, ignoring Sirius. Meanwhile, James is laughing at Sirius for his overconfidence and the rest of the afternoon fades into a memory of sun, smiles and sublimity.


	2. Spring Showers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being patient with this chapter. Exams are an absolute pain but I will be uploading more regularly from now on xx

Remus is woken up spontaneously by an overly excited Sirius. It’s a surprisingly refreshing day, amidst the haze of summer. A beam of frenetic light dances around Remus’ bed as he leisurely sits up to focus on a bumbling Sirius Black who has now plonked himself in the middle of the bed.  
Today is the final Hogsmeade trip of the year. The boys are now in that short period of time when they can all relax, ebbing gently along in the lazy estuary of life. No exams and no parents. This is the reason that Remus has been dragged out of his slumber at 07:19.  
Remus is practically carried by Sirius to their shared wardrobe to get dressed. Most people would expect Sirius to be that friend who never gets up. That title actually goes to James – with Remus as a close second. (This is only the case if the Remus is fed 2 cups of coffee in the first half an hour – a lesson learned the hard way by his friends.) Remus picks out a worn blue jumper and light jeans and walks back to his bed to get changed.  
After a hasty breakfast, the friends head out on the worn path towards Hogsmeade with a smooth, easy-going banter flowing amongst the four friends. Their feet tread unevenly on the rich soil as they make their way to the familiar village. Cobbles nestled into the way glance at the group as they pass and a singular bee noses around strands of messy black hair before returning to her endeavours. Remus relaxes into the conversation, hearing his friends’ voices ebb through the air. He takes in the sight of the Scottish countryside, roaming hills and dense forest teeming with insects and creatures, flitting in and out of the summer light.  
Their first target is Honeydukes. A dense crowd fills the shop and an ample noise too. Remus makes an immediate beeline for the chocolate bars, with Sirius trailing behind him, grinning.  
“Hey, Moony!” Remus hears his friend yell over the sound, “Which flavour so you want me to buy you?” Sirius sidles up to Remus, who turns his head to face him.  
“I am quite excited by that lemonade and honey chocolate, if we’re being honest here, Sirius.”  
Remus sees Sirius eye the shelf dubiously before speaking, “Wow… that looks disgusting.”  
“Funnily enough, I wouldn’t force you to eat it.” Comes the dry response.  
“Tut, tut, tut, Moons. You could be nicer to me when I'm going to buy you all this chocolate!” Sirius says, grabbing an armful of those bars and another armful of chocolate frogs and his own favourite, Fizzing Whizbees.  
“You’re what?!” Remus cried, trying to stop him. “PADFOOT!” Sirius is already throwing his money onto the counter. “YOU CAN’T BUY THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE WITHOUT ASKING!”  
Sirius smirks and thanks the man behind the counter as Remus struggles to pass some watching third years. “It is a present, dearest Moonycheeks.” This nickname causes Remus to sigh and call him a sod, and he ends up backing down from stopping Sirius.  
Two minutes later, they’re back outside. They stand, waiting for James and Peter and eating sweets. Their conversation is nothing important, but Remus enjoys it, nonetheless. Remus finds himself watching Sirius as he kicks a pebble across the stoned street. Fortunately, Sirius remains blissfully ignorant to the blue eyes cautiously roaming his body. Remus can’t help looking at his friend - he’s just very aesthetically pleasing with that long, black hair that floats over his hair, that structured jawline and… those lips lifted into a smug smile. Remus abruptly reins his thoughts in.  
Mental reprimands cry at Remus. That is dangerous territory. That is not supposed to happen. That is not right. He keeps on promising himself not to think these things, he likes girls. He likes girls. He does like girls. Like Marian from Ravenclaw, who he clumsily asked out – she had lovely brown curls and soft, round cheeks. Remus relaxes gently back to normalcy. Sometimes, he has these horrible queer ideas, but they’re just thoughts, it shouldn’t mean anything. It cannot mean anything. And, if it did, it’s not like Remus could tell anyone because they’d find it gross and he’d be ostracised and his friends would leave him and it would even worse than being a werewolf because at least that wasn’t his damn fault. He takes in a sharp breath. Unfortunately, Sirius does notice this. He instantly asks if Remus is feeling okay, and Remus responds sharply with an affirmation of yes. He notices that Sirius looks hurt, but Remus is too agitated by his own mind that he can’t sympathise.  
Before anymore questioning can take place, James, and then Peter exited Honeydukes with two large boxes of assorted sweets. One brief discussion later, they all decide to head to Zonko’s Joke Shop. Sirius struts along merrily, just ahead on the others, admiring the fresh, exciting new air. The rest of the day passes in quick succession with jokes and money spent and goods collected, for the most part, a satisfying day.  
\--  
Roaring flames licked around the hearth, like the laborious burn of the Firewhiskey from the bottles that now lay empty on the Gryffindor common room carpet. The time is 01:05 am, but none of the boys lying on the floor comprehend this. Such is the result of abject drunkenness. Remus is by far the most conscious of the three, with James out cold and Sirius blearily muttering to the fire. Not a whisper leaks into the room from the taut night outside and the only light comes from the fire, which is gradually softening as the wood burns up, emitting a crackling every now and again.  
“Look at that fire, Moons,” Sirius murmurs from his position on the rug, before the fireplace, as he toys with the crimson tousles, lazily.  
“Hmm?” comes the response from his friend who sits, propped up against the base of a sofa, playing with a dim, meaningless bottle.  
“Do you think it’s happy?”  
“Happy?”  
“Yeah - is it happy with itself?”  
“Symbolically, fire is usually angry… probably because it burns things.”  
“I suppose.” A pregnant silence drifts in between the two friends and they listen to the soft snores of James, as he lies sprawled on the carpet, and the boys contemplate their own individual, hazy thoughts. Eventually, Sirius speaks up again, “Are you happy, Remus?”  
Remus thinks for a lingering moment. “Yes, I think.”  
“You think?”  
A short, drunken silence festered before Remus responds, “I don’t think that just ‘happy’ sums it all up. I suppose feel so much gratitude for my friends and Hogwarts and… things. But, at the same time, the world is crumbling at the foundations despite the beauty in it.” He paused again before spilling out words that seemed more like a babble of angry consciousness than an answer, “I wonder if the world could be so unelaborate as to always be definitively one feeling. Or else I want to stop the rotten parts from polluting into the best bits-”  
“- like today?” suggests Sirius quietly, listening as alertly as possible, “you looked so sad outside Honeydukes. Was it the fact that I paid for you? I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable, Moons.”  
“It wasn’t that. It doesn’t really matter anyway.”  
“Hey! Of course, it does, Moony! If it upsets you then it upsets me.” Sirius’s lips pout exaggeratedly, but the look in his eyes in genuine and understanding. “You can talk to me if you need to. We’re mates! That’s how it works.”  
Remus laughs painfully and shakes his head. “It’s not right, Pads. I'm not right and you wouldn’t understand if I told you.”  
“You’re a werewolf. Can’t get weirder than that at least.”  
A long, drawn-out groan comes from Remus and the two again lapse into silence, with Sirius waiting patiently for another response (which Sirius rarely did, out of his generally frenetic attitude to life). In the meantime, James stirs slightly, and the fire starts to burn out and outside an intrepid owl surveys the dusky ground and stars whisper gently on the celestial stage.  
In spite of all the sensibility in Remus’s mind, he closes his eyes and starts to talk, “Sometimes, occasionally, I look at someone and I feel attracted to them.” Sirius chooses to not interrupt here with something idiotic. “And… every now and again, that person-” at this point, Remus feels a tear roll heavily down his cheek and his voice catches. His friend pulls himself up from the floor and comes to sit next to Remus, resting a tired head on Remus’ shoulder and frowning hard at the saline water that dared ruin Remus’s perfect face.  
“Who is that person sometimes, Moony?”  
“Padfoot,” Remus takes a shaky breath and looks right into the fire, “Sometimes it’s a boy.”  
The word ‘boy’ hangs in the stilted air, as if it were swinging on an uncertain noose, waiting for the trapdoor below to open. Both boys become overtly aware of each other and Sirius slowly pulls his head away from Remus’ shoulder. Remus goes rigid. Fear floods his drunken senses; he can feel himself getting up. He stumbles up the stairs to his bed, falling on the bed. Ugly sobs wrack his body until he can no longer feel anything as sleep entombs him. Sirius sits alone downstairs, heartbroken at the futility of the situation.


End file.
